The very first time I met my former coworker, my instincts told me something was off. She entered every meeting on a mission: Like an investigative journalist, she wanted to know every little detail of what everyone was working on. She asked a lot of questions, fished for confidential information, and had a reputation for doing little to no work.
She knew I had strong relationships with the executive team and CEO; they all trusted me, and frequently pulled me into confidential conversations and asked me to lead high priority projects. She felt threatened, so she started to sabotage me.
She started a rumor that I was purposely being excluded from a leadership meeting. The truth was I was on vacation.
Then she took credit for one of my ideas and passed it off as her own. It wasn’t even a particularly good idea, so I didn’t worry about it—I had plenty of other ideas.
She moved on to publicly disagreeing with me, and questioning me in team meetings in front of others. I would smile and not get overly emotional; I would present the facts, answer her questions, and eventually another team member would move the meeting along.
As all this happened over the course of the year, continuing to build, I ignored it. I kept making impact work. I decided not to do or say anything. I took what I thought was the high road, and it was a mistake.
Controlling the story being told about you
I was convinced my hard work, my relationships, and my reputation would overshadow her efforts to sabotage me. What I didn’t realize is that her efforts slowly chipped away at my leadership brand. When the company was being restructured, and my team was eliminated, I considered internal opportunities. One of the executives said to me, “In the absence of you not defending yourself, this is the story being told about you.” In the end, for a number of reasons, I ended up leaving that company to pursue new opportunities. And the lesson I learned was a hard one: A coworker sabotaging you can have a significant impact on your reputation at work.
If you think a coworker is trying to sabotage you, here’s my advice to address it.
Be careful what information you share with them
In the case of my former coworker, she was always fishing for more information. And yet, she would share little of her work and what she was up to. She would withhold information, but repeatedly ask for access to my decks and my documents, and any work items she could get her hands on. At first, I would share items to be a good coworker, and then I started realizing she was using the information I gave her to set the stage to sabotage me.
Don’t make the mistake I made: Be careful with what information you share with a coworker who you think may be sabotaging you. If you are working on a specific project together, you may have to share information. And watch out for repeated requests for information that doesn’t involve them or they really don’t need to know about. Finally, be careful about sharing personal information; they may later use this to spread gossip about you.
Be direct and defend yourself
As a woman of color, I am hyper aware of how “being direct” and “defending myself” can be perceived in the workplace. The coworker who was sabotaging me was a white woman on a mostly white leadership team. I was doing a careful dance not to rock the boat and be accused of being emotional, angry, or threatening. At times, I felt stuck in a lose lose situation. So, I mostly ignored this coworker and just let it all go.
But the truth that I ignored is this: if you aren’t direct and don’t defend yourself, you are allowing this individual to negatively impact your reputation. Here are some situations I wish I had handled differently, being direct without putting them on the complete defensive:
When this coworker confronts you with a lie, nip it in the bud. “I am not sure where you heard that from. That’s not true. Please don’t repeat it.”
When a coworker steals your idea, call them on it: “Glad to see you are incorporating the idea I shared in our last 1:1. I appreciate you also crediting and including me as you launch this project.”
When a coworker acts like your boss and tries to assign you work: “My plate is full and I am aligned with my boss on what I can and cannot help with. Good luck with the project.”
When a coworker purposely excludes you from a meeting: “Is there a reason I wasn’t included in Monday’s meeting about my project? I didn’t see anything come through on my calendar. Please be sure to include me moving forward.”
You want to ensure the coworker sabotaging you knows that you know exactly what they are doing. Be prepared that they may deny doing or saying any of the things you bring up with them. There’s no need to use the word “sabotage,” but you have to call them out on their specific behavior. And start to take notice of all the things they are doing.
Document what’s happening and alert your boss
I didn’t go to my boss to complain about my former coworker for a long time. I was just focused on getting the work done. I wanted to avoid what some had coined my coworker’s mean girl behavior. When I finally did go to my boss, it was too late, the damage had been done. I later discovered my boss had become personal friends with my former coworker. She was in my boss’ ear every chance she could get. My next performance review was filled with feedback I had never heard before: ”You need to collaborate more and share information” and “Don’t be defensive when you are asked questions” and “Be open to sharing credit.”
Make sure you are documenting what’s happening and alert your boss. You can feel you are being sabotaged, but you will need evidence and facts to back-up why you feel this way. Be succinct with dates and times and actions; jot down the facts as if you were watching a video. What did your coworker do? What did they say? What was your response? Was anyone else there? Ask your boss if you should also share this with HR as well so that there’s a record. And start letting other colleagues know what has been happening so you can start to have allies to help support you.
Know who will protect your name in your absence
“I need to tell you that she’s telling people you don’t share what you work on, and you aren’t a team player,” another coworker told me one day, as she pulled me into a conference room. “It’s clear she’s trying to monitor your activities and paint a negative picture of you.”
That colleague was one of two people who had my back against the woman who was trying to sabotage me at work. They both spoke up when for me when I wasn’t in the room, in some cases telling her she was out of line and to back off. And she did eventually back off, but the damage against my reputation was already done.
Don’t wait to share with your other coworkers what has been happening and how you are being targeted. It’s likely they have noticed this individual’s behaviors towards you in public forums. They may have heard lies or rumors about you, so they also can serve as a witness.
We have to speak up and intervene when we suspect career sabotage is occurring. By staying silent, we are allowing a story to perpetuate about us that isn’t true. We have to actively defend our reputation and all of our hard work and contributions in our workplaces.
